Building your tribe, friendships after college, life & missions

Understanding the Dynamics of Friendships and Finding Your True Tribe in Life's Journey

Hey there, fellow seekers of truth and purpose!

Have you ever felt like you're stuck in a loop of wedding invitations, watching your college friends tie the knot one after another? While celebrating love is undoubtedly joyous, have you ever paused to wonder: are these best friendships of yours propelling you forward in life?

Yes, we can be 100% ourselves with them, sharing our deepest thoughts and fears. But when it comes to our missions, passions, do they truly have our backs? Can they provide the guidance and support we need when the going gets tough or when life throws us curveballs ??

Recently, I sat down with colleagues, team members, and close associates, delving into whether they received help from their "Inner Circle" on their career paths or life missions. Surprisingly, over 95% responded with a resounding "No" or a hesitant "Not so sure."

Even if they harbor empathy and a desire to assist, they often find themselves ill-equipped to aid in navigating life's challenges. Why is that? Why do these cherished friendships sometimes falter when it comes to supporting our dreams?

Reason 1. Lack of contextual understanding:
These bonds were forged in the crucible of academia, where the focus was on exams, parties, and shared experiences rather than on individual aspirations. While these friendships offer comfort and familiarity, they may lack the depth needed to navigate the complexities of personal missions.

Reason 2. Increased friction for support:
When trying to bridge the gap between their established paths and our fresh endeavors. They might struggle to comprehend our context or the intricacies of our evolving journeys. Even if they attempt to help, life's pace and direction can quickly diverge, making it challenging for them to navigate our tumultuous roads alongside their steady paths.

Ultimately, these friendships may fade as life takes its course. As our trajectories diverge, even a multitude of friends can feel distant and unhelpful. It's not that they don't care; it's just that they're driving in their own lanes, focused on their destinations.

So, how do we find our inner circle or tribe—the ones who will uplift us, challenge us, and stand by us as we chase our dreams?

There’s no abc answer. You need to Discover your unique way to build genuine connections but here’s what I have experienced that works good good, which can give you a headstart.

Reflect — Communicate — Seek + Nurture

» Start with - Reflecting on Your Inner Circle:

-- Take some time to evaluate your current friendships. Are they supportive of your goals and aspirations? Do they provide the guidance and encouragement you need?

--Identify the individuals in your inner circle who you believe have the potential to support you on your journey.

» Communicate Your Needs:

-- Open up to your friends about your passions and goals. Be honest about what you're trying to achieve and the support you require.

-- Encourage open dialogue and ask for feedback. Sometimes, your friends may not realize how they can best support you until you express your needs.

» Seek Out Like-Minded Communities:

-- Look for communities or groups that align with your interests and aspirations. Whether it's a professional network, a hobby club, or an online forum, surround yourself with individuals who share your passion.

-- Engage actively in these communities, participate in discussions, and offer your support to others. Building meaningful connections often starts with giving before receiving.

» Nurture New Relationships:

-- Don't be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and initiate connections. Remember, the most rewarding relationships often stem from shared passions and values.

-- Offer your support and expertise to others in your network, and be receptive to receiving help in return.

-- Schedule regular check-ins with key individuals in your network to stay connected and continue growing together.

All of this is invaluable without a reference. So, here it is…

As highlighted above, an important step is to reflect on what to seek. So here are 3 types of friendships found in Hindu scriptures and stories in India. I have mapped them in a quadrant on the basis of the nature of their driveness which came from either a sense of a shared mission or deep mutual respect.

X - axis = Deep Respect
Y - axis = Shared Mission

I’ll go more in detail in these examples of building deep mission and respect-based friendships, next time I write to you. Till then, absorb and reflect upon this.

Remember - It's essential to recognize that building a tribe requires stepping out of our comfort zones. It means venturing into unknown territory, trusting new faces, and yes, sometimes facing betrayal or vulnerability. But it's through these experiences that we find those who resonate with our vision and purpose.

Until next time, keep seeking, keep growing, and never underestimate the power of finding your tribe.

With love and purpose,
Karsh